Ashes Defeat A Ghost Of Xmas Past
Updated: 7:27am UK, Tuesday 17 December 2013
By Paul Kelso, Sports Correspondent
There is something almost nostalgic about the hapless fate of England's cricketers.
For followers of a certain vintage, nothing quite says Christmas like surrendering the Ashes in the same week that Fairytale of New York becomes ubiquitous on the radio.
With their spectacular fall from grace, Alastair Cook's beaten side have provided even less reason for festive cheer than even their most hapless predecessors.
When England were losing eight consecutive series between 1989 and 2003 the beatings were handed down by one of the great sides of all time in any sport.
Shane Warne, Glenn McGrath, Ricky Ponting and Steve Waugh will be recalled for decades to come as giants of the game.
Not so this Australian side led by Michael Clarke.
Yet the defeats handed out in Brisbane, Adelaide and Perth have been every bit as emphatic as those delivered by the greatest Australian sides, and all just three months after England won the home series 3-0.
England have been outplayed, out-fought and out-thought. That is a grim hat-trick of failings for Cook and the England coach Andy Flower to digest as they try and claw back a little dignity in the final two tests of the series.
The collapse has been as startling as any in recent memory, and has at times appeared as much psychological as technical.
From the moment they stepped off the plane England met a barrage of hostility, from a partisan local media to an Australian side that has revelled in dishing out verbal abuse. England, no strangers to sledging themselves, have for once had no answer.
The Australians have played better cricket. The bowlers have been superb, led by cartoon fast-man Mitchell Johnson who blew England's doors off in the first Test, winning the game and precipitating Jonathan Trott's pressure-induced return.
Ryan Harris, Peter Siddle and off-spinner Nathan Lyon have backed him up brilliantly, bowling with discipline to pre-determined plans and with unflagging vigour.
England's attack by contrast has been tepid, with match-winners James Anderson and Graeme Swann short of form and both ruthlessly targeted in Perth.
It is the batsmen who have really let England down however. On their last tour here Trott, Cook and Pietersen were outstanding, batting Australia into the dust.
Here they and the other batsmen have been vulnerable and addled by pressure, often gifting their wickets. Before the second innings in Perth they had passed 300 only once and not scored a single century between them.
Form fluctuates, and sportsmen learn to accept that sometimes the opposition just play better. But that truism does not fully explain the disaster of this tour, for which Flower must take some responsibility.
Envisaging hard, fast wickets England selected three six-feet plus fast-bowlers. In the event just one of them, Chris Tremlett, has played a single Test. Boyd Rankin and Steve Finn have had to make do working as the tallest drinks waiters in cricket, while Tim Bresnan, a hero of the last tour, was whistled up for Perth short of match fitness.
Something is very wrong here. Either the bowlers have all regressed and cannot be trusted in competition, or England's management panicked and scrapped their long-term plan in favour of hunches at the first setback.
The series also raises a wider question about the style of game England play. Cook and Flower have nurtured a team of opportunists, playing no-frills cricket to stay in games until the opportunity arises to seize them.
As a modus operandi it has been hugely effective in recent years, but it has been exposed utterly in Australia.
What few chances England have had they have missed. Clarke's side meanwhile has returned to the hyper-aggressive cricket of the 1990s, scoring quickly, bowling fast and straight and catching like swallows.
England have had no response, and a 5-0 whitewash looms unless something fundamental changes.
In fact there is only one area in which the two sides have been well matched, and that is the boorish, immature spirit in which the games have been played.
Sledging has been a celebrated part of Ashes contests for decades but these back-to-back series have been played in a dreadful atmosphere that betrays the spirit of the game.
Threats of violence have been dished out, centuries have gone unacknowledged by fielders, and there has been an endless stream of profanities from both sides.
It is not meant to be a Christmas drinks party. But the greatest series in sport can be a great deal more uplifting than we have seen.
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